It's Pioneer Woman's Fault

    As I have written in my short bio, I am a little recipe obsessed. Many times, I'll have an idea for something I want to make, but not know the exact seasonings or measurements. Like most people, I turn to the internet and try to compare multiple recipes, often taking elements I like from several to combine into one dish. Often, this can be an exercise in frustration and for this, I blame the Pioneer Woman.

    Pre-Pioneer Woman one could search for a recipe, click on any links that sounded promising, find the name of the recipe, a list of ingredients, and maybe, if you were lucky, a picture and reviews of the recipe. Nowadays, everyone and their Aunt Sally have food blogs. In order to get to the actual list of ingredients, you must scroll through their cute and touching anecdotes, several glossy pictures of the process, and finally, again if you are lucky, you will find the recipe. Some sites actually make you click on an additional link to get the actual recipe. It is so time consuming and honestly, the story and pictures are tantamount to annoying ads to me. I just want to see what the ingredients are to determine if this is something my family will like and whether or not the recipe will require an additional trip to the store.

    I have no idea whether or not the Pioneer Woman started this trend, but if she did not, she at least perfected it. Her stories are charming, folksy, and relatable. Her photography is beautiful and balances well with the content. She seems to be the inspiration for many food bloggers to the point that this particular style and format has been imitated on infinite food blogs across the internet. No longer is it the norm to just post a recipe with a picture. One has to tell a story about it, and punctuate each step with a beautiful color saturated photograph. It looks stunning, but it is so frustrating when all you are looking for is seasonings to put in your marinade.

    While searching for recipes, I made a rather startling discovery. I was looking for a recipe and found a version on the very old school pre-PW site, allrecipes. From the reviews, I could tell that the recipe had been around since at least 2001. PW had published the same exact recipe, pretty much word for word on her blog years later. As stated before though, hers of course had the delightful narrative and gorgeous photos.

   

 It made me angry, if I am being honest. Not angry because she had obviously plagiarized, but that she had thought of this first. She has built a whole empire on being a former city girl turned rancher who is just so wholesome and deprecating about her serendipitous transformation into Food Channel maven and author.  It now just seems so manufactured. She came up with this idea to elevate simple recipes found on the internet into a food blog. This led to a massive following, being the star of television show, a published author, and even a whole line of housewares. She is no chef; she is merely a home cook trying out recipes from the internet and she just so happens to have a nice camera and decent writing skills.

    I do not mean to hate on a beloved personality. I’m a little jealous I did not come up with the idea first, and I am annoyed that her format has become the norm. If you have a food blog, please stop with the stories and pics, or at least, put the recipe first. I am sure I am not the only one who feels this way. We all just want to quickly search recipes, not read about your friend Linda’s Great Aunt Sue who made this that one time at Christmas and now it has become a tradition in your house.

Dressing Appropriately vs. Body Shaming

     Once the school year is in session, there are going to be inevitable social media posts about girls sent home from school due to dress code violations. School administrators will be accused of body shaming, school boards will be held accountable, and dress codes will be cited as unfairly targeting females and enabling rape culture to flourish. There may be actual cases where this is true, but sometimes, maybe, just maybe, things get blown way out of proportion by reactionaries to the cause. 

     Let me first start by saying that I do not think that the way a female dresses should in any way subject them to abuse, or unwanted attention and actions from others. I do not think dress codes should be used as a way to protect women from unwanted male attention, or to prevent males from being distracted. If an agency is using either of those as an excuse, they have put in place their rules for the wrong reasons. However, that being said, I think that dress codes can be appropriate in a school or professional setting. 

     If an organization feels a dress code is required, then they should do so because they want to project a certain image. Usually this means they want their employees or students to have a clean and neat appearance. In the case of construction or other blue collar jobs, it can be for safety reasons. Whether you work in banking or in construction, you would not wear a cocktail dress or tuxedo to work. It would not be appropriate, nor would it be comfortable, and in the case of construction, it would not be safe. Similarly, you would not wear a tank top, flip flops, and shorts to your great grandma's funeral service. You would not wear pajama bottoms and an old stained t-shirt to your brother's wedding. It would be inappropriate to do so. 

     I have noticed more so lately, that people are dressing down more and more. Whatever happened to dressing appropriately for the occasion? What you wear to a parade, picnic, or theme park should differ from what you wear to work or school. What you wear to lounge around the house should not be the same as what you wear to go out to eat at a fancy restaurant. A flowing halter top maxi-dress with strappy heeled sandals is perfect for a summer barbecue or pool party; it's not appropriate to send your 5-7 year old to school in such an outfit. It does not work for running on the playground or kicking a ball in gym. Such outfits are impractical and look absurd on small children. 

     This summer I went to a theme park. It was almost unbearably hot with temperatures hovering near the triple digits. I saw several women of varying ages, shapes, and sizes wearing just a bra and shorts. I am not talking about sports bras that can double as workout tops. I mean lacy, two straps with a clasp in the back, typically worn under your shirt type bras. I know it was hot, but just like I wouldn't want to see a man walking around in a t-shirt and underpants, I don't care to see a woman in her bra. I do not care your age, shape, or gender. I do not care to see your undergarments in public. 

     When I see the posts about girls being dress coded for wearing a tank top or shorts that were not fingertip length, or leggings instead of jeans or pants, I do not think there is anything inherently wrong with those outfits. It angers me when the excuse given is that boys will not be able to concentrate if girls dress that way. Another part of me though says, you know what? That outfit is perfect for weekends and evenings, but maybe not so much for school. Maybe you should dress a bit more business casual for what is essentially your job until graduation. Maybe you should dress more practically for your environment.  I don't know, maybe I am just getting old, but I think that what you wear to school or work, no matter what or where that is, should be clean and neat, and appropriate for your environment. 

     

Is This Seat Taken?

     If you haven't noticed, a constant theme in my writing is how I just do not seem to be able to fit in here in Texas. This is especially true about my workplace where I have been for nearly a decade. I have had friends there over the years, but some have moved away or moved on to other things. For the past two years, I have been without a close work friend. I have many acquaintances with whom I have a positive working relationship, but we really only discuss work related matters. This may not seem important, but those few times when your work life morphs into a more social environment, it matters. 

     I am one of about a dozen hourly employees. The majority of the people I work with are salaried workers under contract. Staff meetings are generally held after the hourly workers clock out. Hourly employees can stay if we want, but then we have to adjust our hours to compensate for the overage. I am not really able to adjust my hours because I have an assigned duty both in the morning and in the afternoon, so I can neither come in late, nor can I leave early. That being the case, I am not aware of any existing seating arrangements at the staff meetings. Humans are creatures of habit and although I am sure people may have laid claim to a favorite chair. I am from the school of whoever gets there first. 

     Two years ago, one of the staff meetings was held earlier in the day as we were celebrating an accomplishment and there was food. Teams generally sit together at one table. Our team is the largest, but it is subdivided into smaller groups, so some of the smaller groups sit together instead of at the main table. I noticed a teammate, one of the two salaried employees with whom I work closely, sitting at a large table with a few cell phones scattered around the table where others had laid claim to certain seats. Finding an unoccupied spot, I sat down. The teammate turned to me and said, "If you want to sit here, you'll need to pull up your own chair." I looked around at all the empty seats crowded around the table, and realized that pulling up a chair meant I would not have a spot at the table. I thought, "Well, screw this, I'll just sit somewhere else."  I walked across the room and sat down next to another hourly employee who worked on a different team. I watched as other members of my team asked the table queen if a seat was taken, the teammate shook her head and allowed them to sit. Eventually, another hourly employee on my team came over and asked me to join her at our team table. We of course were not allowed to sit at the table proper, but adjacent to the table with our food on our laps. 

        A year ago, the same thing happened with the self appointed table queen. She actually had stretched her legs out under the table and rested her Birkenstock clad feet on the chair opposite her while having the audacity to tell me there was not room for me and again I would have to  pull up a chair. That time I managed to get a tiny corner of the table on which to perch my plate as I leaned forward on a much too low chair.

     This year, the table queen was not on her own. She was flanked by two other salaried team members who are somewhat inclusive and treat their hourly employees as equals. The queen was no longer feeling emboldened to treat me like a lowly peasant not worthy of a place at the table now that there were witnesses to her behavior. I sat right down at the main table. She shot me looks, but she did not say a word. The above mentioned two salaried teammates saved the seats next to them for their hourly employees who were warmly welcomed when they sat down. Another teammate sat next to me, and another across. The rest of our team was left to share a table with another team. This meant there was no room for my office mate, a salaried worker who is used to sitting at the main table. She has not spoken to me since.  

      I sent her a text message after saying how I was sorry we didn't get a chance to visit at the breakfast, but her table seemed nice and the conversation was likely better. It was my way of apologizing for her not sitting at the main table. Maybe I made things worse. I sent her another text the next day after bumping into someone we both know. She didn't respond to that either. So now that's going to be awkward. 

     In my defense, I just wanted to be included for once and not be treated like I do not matter. If it makes any difference, this is not a seniority thing, as I have worked there about 5 years longer than TQ and longer than any of the other hourly employees on my team.

     I would like to say that this is the only instance of the Table Queen, or TQ, as I have now come to refer to her, treating me poorly, but it is not. Three years ago, we shared a workspace with another hourly employee. TQ was new then and she absolutely did not want anything to do with us. She would neither say hello in the morning, nor goodbye in the afternoon. She would only speak to us if she had to. We would make a point to make eye contact and say hello to her. The most we could get was a mumbled grunt in our general direction. Shared office equipment was no longer so; it all belonged to her and heaven forbid one picked up the three hole punch, as it would be quickly snatched from your hand and put back where she liked to keep it.  

     At first, I thought she was merely shy and perhaps a bit socially awkward. I am too, 

so I thought she just needed time to warm up to us. I thought this for weeks until we had an assignment to help another subdivision of our team on a project for a few days. She swept into the room, friendly as she could be with everyone, she made snarky comments that had everyone in stitches and left soon after. My other co-worker and I who shared a room with her at the time were dumbfounded. Where had this person been? I still wanted to give her the benefit of the doubt though. I couldn't believe that she had anything against us. She barely knew us, and both of us were experienced, good at our jobs, and offered to help her settle in on her first day. Why would she treat us with such disdain? 

      Some time later, the second salaried employee with whom we worked closely came into our room. (She is my current office mate, and the one who is not speaking to me for sitting at the main table.) TQ switched on the personality yet again. When current office mate included me and my friend in on the conversation, TQ came over to our desks like this was something that she does every day and joked and made eye contact with us. Again, we were shocked at how personable she was when other people were around. Even after working with her for nearly 9 months in the same room, she never warmed to us or even once asked us, "How are you?" or "How was your weekend?"

      I hear from my supervisors during my performance reviews about how TQ has nothing but wonderful things to say about me and my work. I have heard from my office mate that TQ has a lot of respect for me, yet she refuses to treat me with any kind of common decency to my face. When she does have to speak to me, she is often abrupt bordering on rude. I have done nothing to this woman, and honestly, I don't think it's me. I think she sees herself as having a position above me which somehow makes her superior and I am not worthy of common courtesy. I have never before worked with anyone like that. 

     All of this would be manageable, the haughty Table Queen, the co-worker who is not speaking to me for sitting at the main table, if I had a co-worker who was a close friend and who was in the trenches with me. My friend who shared a room with TQ and me a few years ago has gone on to other things and was not replaced. It is me and the two salaried workers on our subdivision of the larger team. There is no one I can confide in about it, I just have to do what I always do, put a smile on my face and pretend it does not bother me at all while I do the best that I can at my job. I have learned though, I am not going to another staff meeting if I can help it, and if it is mandatory, I am sitting somewhere else. The drama isn't worth it.