I grew up in a small town in Southeast Michigan. I had a group of friends that I spent every weekend with throughout high school and the first two years of college. When I had the opportunity to move to Seattle, I thought it would be a fun adventure. I did not realize at the time that this also meant suddenly having no friends. I knew absolutely no one. Shortly after getting a job as a waitress, I made new single friends, one of whom was certain to have a party every weekend.
When I finished my degree and started my career, the restaurant friends faded away. I now had strictly work friends, the kind of friends you spend every coffee break and lunch with chatting away about your lives, the movies you have seen, the shows you watch, and the occasional bitch session about work. The kind of friendships that fill the friend void during the day, but do not go past the threshold of the office elevator once you leave.
Six years later, my husband and I started our family. Suddenly, I was a stay at home mom. My work friends all but disappeared. Those first six months were a lonely adjustment. Whole days would pass where I would realize that I had not spoken to another adult. Once my daughter was old enough to go to Gymboree, play groups, and Mommy and Me swim lessons, I was able to meet other moms. Some I liked, and am still in contact with. Others, our only connection was the fact that our children were in wombs at the same time. That does not make for a strong friendship basis.
Now that we have moved to Texas, I am back in the no-friend zone again. Yes, through the magic of Facebook, I am still in contact with friends from previous phases of my life, but I have no one local to hang out with or who will go see Magic Mike with me. (Truth be told, I would rather see the new Wes Anderson movie instead, but I do love me some Matthew McCaunghey.)
I work at a school now, but at 43, I am one of the oldest people there. The young marrieds go out for the occasional girl's nights together, the singles and divorcees go barhopping together, and the marrieds with kids are all wrapped up in their kids' sports. My kids are not athletic at all. My son would just as soon duck from a ball than catch it and my daughter does not like "getting all hot and sweaty, eww!"
I'm not sure how one goes about making friends as an adult. My daughter has a best friend who spends at least one afternoon a week at my house during the school year. I happen to work with her mom too, so it seems like a friendship between us would just naturally flow. Unfortunately, it has not happened. She is always polite to me, but never particularly warm. I can't really imagine spending time with her outside of work and away from the kids. I think it would involve a lot of long, awkward periods of silence.
Sometimes I am jealous of the people who have lived their whole lives in one town. When you move as much as I have, you have a few friends scattered here and there, but you do not have that special best friend who has known you forever, and loves you anyway. Someone who will drop everything at a moment's notice if you need her. I'm not sure that those friendships even exist if you have not known one another from childhood. I'm still hoping and wishing I can find one though.
