I have been thinking a lot today about rumors. I know I have heard plenty, shared more than I like to admit, and unfortunately, had a few spread about me. It is one thing if a rumor is actually true; it is quite another when people for whatever reason make up hurtful lies to tell others.
In my case, I dated a boy whose ex-girlfriend did not like that he had moved on, even though she had broken up with him some weeks before I met him. She started rumors about my virtue, which did not really seem to take off at first. Then, she found through a mutual friend, a boy that I had flirted with and kissed a year before. He and I had kissed on a few occasions, and there were some hands that brushed over the top of clothing that were swiftly batted away, but that was the extent of our encounters. He told a different story though.
My boyfriend at the time knew that the rumors were untrue, as did all of my high school boyfriends thereafter. However, there was one boy, whom I did not even know, had never spoken to, nor had even met, that took the rumors and ran with them. He harassed my boyfriend on a daily basis about them. It got to the point that my boyfriend just could not take it any longer. He changed schools and we broke up. We remained friends for years though. When I had surgery after high school graduation, he visited me every week, all summer long, until I had recuperated. Then he made good on his promise to take me to see a movie at the drive-in once I was better.
The rumors really only got to me for a couple of weeks during my freshman year. Although I hadn't forgotten about them, they were not something I really thought about. That was until I was in my early 20's. I was dating someone else. We lived in a small town, where even if you met someone new, within moments you could determine that you knew someone in common. Either you went to school with their sister or cousin, or maybe your older brother did. In the case of my boyfriend, he went over to a friend's house where he met the boy I had kissed when I was in 8th grade. Mr. 8th grade loser's story about our encounter had grown to epic proportions during the intervening years. The result caused a monumental argument between us. Even though my boyfriend knew for a fact that the rumor was untrue, he was angry that I would have done anything that could have led to the exaggeration.
A few years ago, the rumor mill bit me again. I had a disagreement with a co-worker. I felt that she was taking advantage of me, and truly she was. Not only was she having me drive her daughter to scout meetings after work, but she had me baby sit her daughter when the child had been vomiting and should have stayed at home. She also kept a pet rat that I found repulsive, but still I ended up cleaning the cage and feeding him because he would have lived in filth and died of hunger if I did not. So, for the record, my beef with her was not unfounded and without merit.
She and I could have worked this out, and we did, eventually. It took several months, but she and I found a way to get past it and be friends again. What did not help though was that someone decided to stir the pot. Only a handful of people knew about our issues. One of them, I do not know which one, began whispering bilious and incendiary lies to her of things they claimed I had confided to them. Things like how I had said I was too good for my job, that I thought it was beneath me, and that I had always had a problem with authority. I never said that to anyone, nor did I feel that way. Those lies caused an even bigger rift in our relationship. To this day, I do not see what the person gained by their untruths or why they did it.
I was talking to a very sweet friend today. She is having trouble where she works because she made a mistake. It was not a huge mistake, but it was a mistake that started tongues wagging. She is embarrassed about it, but to make matters worse, people have taken this one little kernel and have shaken it in a pan over the stove. Now there is steaming bowl of lies swirling around about her. The rumor mongers have called into question her past, and even worse, they have questioned her fitness as a mother. It is absolutely gut wrenching and awful. Why someone would do that to her and cause her so much pain and stress, I do not know.
Why do people do it? I know we live in an age of celebrity gossip constantly bombarding us via social media, but does that somehow make it acceptable to now ruin someone's reputation with rumors? Why blatantly and willfully make up lies? I don't get it. After hearing my friend's story, I felt remorse for every shred of gossip and rumor that I have repeated or shared with others. I have not made any up myself, but I have relayed gossip I have heard second, third, or fifth hand. I thought about how I felt when rumors were spread about me, and I just felt sick. I thought of Sr. Connie, my 10th grade religion teacher who used to tell us, "Before you speak, ask yourself: Is it kind? Is it true? Is it necessary?"
We all need to be kinder. We need to speak the truth and not create hurtful lies. Anything else is just unnecessary.
